Being Used

You know, it's very hard to tell when someone is using you. Even as an adult I find myself questioning the motives of people. I just don't get the way people treat me sometimes. I am a loving generous person who just wants people to be her friend and treat her with respect and honesty. Why is this asking so much? One day I'm good for some things, but the next day not even worth talking to (and yes, I deserve to be treated better). Then you call because you need a ride or a sitter or something else in between, but want to grab lunch. Hell no? WTF! Why? I just find myself questioning. When do I start saying no? How do I treat myself with respect and still be your friend? Are we even friends? things to think about I guess...

Friendship

I take friendship very seriously. If I let you into my world you are lucky. Sometimes I let people in too soon. Sometimes I let people in I shouldn't. I don't ask much of my friends. I ask for mutual respect. I ask honesty. My recent experiences with people have shown me that most people don't feel the same. I don't know how they define friendship, but some people have made it painfully obvious that their definition is much different from mine. If we make plans and I reconfirm it, don't bale on me in some passive aggressive way. I would actually appreciate it if you wouldn't bale on me, but if you are going to cancel, then cancel. Call me, send a text, apologize, offer a raincheck. Almost anything is better then passive aggressive behavior. If you don't want to be my friend, then don't be, but don't pretend. A friend is a friend and if you can't do that, then don't!

2nd day of school

So Monday I finally started on my long journey of going back to college. I was terrified! Today was my second day and I was just as nervous. Turns out its all unfounded. I am an excellent student and probably one of the smartest people in my class. I am worried about the youth of today. But GO ME!

Haters are free to go!

I have decided that this is the year for me. I may make mistakes, maybe alot of them, but I refuse to let other people make me feel bad for being myself. If I want to dye my hair purple, tattoo my whole body, and wear mini skirts, that is my right! This is me! Love me or don't be part of my life. I am almost 37 years old and I am tired of doing things for everyone else. This is the year for me! For me to rediscover myself. Many aspects of my life will always be defined by society and the people that are in my life, but it's about time for things to change. I will always be a mother, but that doesn't mean I have to conform to what you think a mother should look like. Stop judging people. If you got to know me you might like me! I am a pretty great person, if I do say so myself. Now I do not pretend to be perfect because I am NOT. I am human and have plenty of faults. I'm just tired of people or society telling me what I should be doing because that's their perception of what I should be. So goodbye haters. Goodbye people who want to make me feel bad. This is the year for me. Not ready for me then feel free to step. Not going to let anyone bring me down. Gonna shake up the tree and see who sticks.

Football

So today was the Washington Redskin's first playoff game since 2007. Well, needless to say, it didn't go so well. Turns out we lost, to Seattle, which is kind of ironic due to the fact that we lost to them in 2007 and 2005. Time for them to regroup and figure out what they really want to do.

Happy New Year!

So today is the first day of the new year. I must say that it is off to a good start. No hangover! And only mild stomach issues. (I was hospitalized in July because I was throwing up blood so I have to be careful what I eat and drink). Little girl number two went out to play this morning. She recently learned how to ride her two wheeler without training wheels. But this morning she decided to ride her scooter. In an attempt to thwart the effort of the Jehovah's Witnesses she laid her scooter down scrapping her entire right leg. The determined witnesses were not phased and proceeded to our home anyways. I dealt with the bleeding child while my DH started a theological debate. It was interesting to hear. A half hour later friends and family were calling to see who won. I would say it was my DH but who knows...

Day one-written. I have lots of secrets to tell. Scared. Maybe we will start with those tomorrow.

New Year!

So it's been forever since I have written anything in this blog. I think with the impending new year I will change that. Now the truth is, I may not change anything. But here's to trying. I want this to be anonymous. I want the freedom to speak my mind without judgement. Don't get me wrong, people always judge. But I'm hoping to find myself. To figure out what makes me tick. To put it all out there and sort out the pieces when they land. Doing so may mean I have to start this thing over. And maybe that's what I will do. Start over with a new anonymous me. That's scary just to think about lest someone figure it out and tell my loved ones. So I guess I will have to wait and see what I decide.