Friday, March 12, 2010
A better Day
So yesterday was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated, which made for a good day. My niece arrived Wednesday night, so I'm an Aunt. This is my very first niece/nephew so I'm very excited. Things are good today. I wish it would quit raining as I have to take the Girl Scouts to an outdoor function tonight, but oh well. My sister in law is in an uncoroporative hospital and feels like she is doing something wrong. She isn't and I hope her confidence grows. I want to go and be there for her, but with my little ones, they won't let me in. I wish this thing would get canceled tonight so I could go be with her. I hope all is well with you my readers, as we all just try to survive.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Worn Out
So I am starting to believe that all this financial stress is taking it's toll on me physically. I am so tired all the time. I am almost paralyzed from the stress. I know what I have to do but the thought of doing anything makes me head hurt. If I could just finish the taxes that would put me in a better place, since we are getting money back, but the thought of all that work makes me freeze up. I'm almost done I just need to finish itemizing the last of my donations. If only I could find all those Goodwill receipts. I went at least six times last year. Then once that's done I need to resubmit paperwork for the house. Then I need to fill out all kind of very invasive paperwork for the people who are trying to collect money for Jake's surgery. It's not that I don't want to pay them, I just can't pay them right now. I think it's crazy that they are not willing to take what I want to pay them. I guess they will just write it off, but it's not like I'm trying to get out of paying them. Whatever, but again the thought of all that paperwork has me paralyzed. I can normally lose myself in a game or a book or something, but all I want to do is sleep. I don't even want to see or talk to people. Which doesn't really work well when your in charge of a monthly cooking group. Oh and that reminds me. Now the preschool wants ten dollars from me because I was late on Friday. Now I know that I was late (Bella lost my keys) but I think every parent should get like a three strikes and your out deal or something. I know some people are late because that is their nature (Eppie) but most people are not. It just really sucks. Ten dollars is almost as much as her tuition. So now, because I'm a moose and I feel backed into a corner, I'm tempted to just pull her out of preschool. This way I won't have to pay tuition for the rest of the year and well then I can't be late can I? I know it's not really a rational way to think, but like I said the stress is getting to me. I really don't have much left to give. I'm wondering if when I run out I just drop dead or do I just continue like the zombie I have been? For my friends I'm sorry I haven't been around or very talkative. I also think it's the time of year. I always seemed to get really depressed and antisocial during this time in my life. Ironic thing is I used to love this time of year. Now after years of disappointment I think the depression starts earlier every year. Good thing is that hopefully this will all be over by next week. Maybe then I will feel better. Maybe I will have won the lottery. That would be awesome. If I won the lottery I would get out of debt. Then I would help my best friend out some. Then I would pay for my brother to go to college. Stupid parents messed up somewhere cause they have no college fund for him. Well I think I have rambled enough for today. Check back with me tomorrow. I might still be here, just trying to survive.
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