How much am I going to take? How much more should I take? Why does any of this matter? Did you ever respect me?
In life there is truth, half truth, and straight up lies. Why do people have a such a hard time being honest with the little things? Are you trying to "spare" my feelings? Because let me tell you, it hurts ten times worse to find out the truth. And the funny thing is, you're the one telling me the truth and the lie. I liked you, I really did. I thought we had a lot in common. I thought you were my friend. I thought we had fun together. I thought you enjoyed spending time with me. I'm starting to think it was all a lie. I think you use people. I think you used me. I think I like that you needed me. I think I let you use me. But it wasn't all my fault! You lied to me. It's one thing for me to help you for reason X it's a completely different thing when it comes to reason Y. I would have loved to see your face this morning when you realized your mistake. Oops! So now I can't trust you. I can't trust you at all. And you know what, that really hurts. It truly does. I'm sad on so many different levels right now. I'm mad at you and mad at myself. Why do I let you treat me this way? I'm hoping that how I feel now puts a stop to things. Puts a stop to my stupid imagination. Puts a stop to fantasy land. I don't live there. I live here in the real world where people use you, abuse you, and throw you away. I wanted to think you were different. You made things sound so good. But you weren't any different. In fact you might have been worse. So here I sit crying, because of you. I want to be one of those women who say, "I'll never cry over you!" But I have so congratulations on being just one more asshole who I unfortunately have let into my life. Part of me knows I deserve better, but the other part of me feels unworthy of being treated right. I hope and pray that today is enough to get you out of my head. I know you aren't leaving my life. That's fine, but I hope I quit bending over backwards to help you out. I hope I quit wanting you. I hope my head shuts up. I hope you can be a better friend. I hope I never have to rely on you. I hope I quit loving you!
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